God's Providence Alone

My prayer for the last couple of months has consisted in trust. In remembering things that I of course know that I should do, but in fact...do not. I suppose that is the human condition, my great frustration. But there I am, trying to rely on my own strength and forgetting above all that God loves me and He loved me first...He loves me first. I want freedom. Freedom to trust Christ with everything, even if (lets face it, when) I don't follow his will. I want to trust myself to God, and I do. It will be a great blessing on this pilgrimage to rely more radically on God's providence alone. There is a great freedom in having nothing and seeking the Everything. I go realizing my own poverty, and not just simple physical poverty, but knowing how little I am and how much God gives everything to me for His glory. I don't have a very good fear sense, as many know, so I am not very worried, but I know that it will be extremely challenging. It is this challenge that I seek, this great opportunity to realize my own weaknesses and God's own strength. (His grace is enough right Paul?) I go with nothing, relying on Christ in the form of others charity, relying on him in the spiritual difficulties that are sure to arise, relying on him for my being, my breath, and my life. For Love. Certainly I am a poor beggar of Christ, and He is all I desire. I ask all the angels in heaven to guide me, protect me and show me God's own love. And my mother, who I place my whole self in her maternal care forever. May I learn from her where strength is.

Totus Tuus.

An Earthly Pilgrimage: An Eternal Reality

Like the deer that yearns
for running streams,
so my soul is yearning

 for you, my God.
My soul is thirsting for God,
the God of my life;
when can I enter and see
the face of God?
My tears have become my bread,
by night, by day,
as I hear it said all the day long:
"Where is your God"
These things I will remember
as I pour out my soul:
how I would lead the rejoicing crowd
into the house of God,
amid cries of gladness and thanksgiving,
the throng wild with joy.
Why are you cast down, my soul,
why groan within me?
Hope in God; I will praise him still,
my savior and my God.
My soul is cast down within me
as I think of you,
from the country of Jordan and Mount Hermon,
from the Hill of Mizar
Deep is calling on deep,
in the roar of waters;
your torrents and all your waves
swept over me.
By day the Lord will send
his loving kindness;
by night I will sing to him,
praise the God of my life.
I will say to God, my rock:
"Why have you forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning,
oppressed by the foe?"
With cries that pierce my to the heart,
my enemies revile me,

saying to me all the day long:

"Where is your God?"

Why are you cast down, my soul,

why groan within me?

Hope in God; I will praise him still,

my savior and my God.

When will I come the the end of my pilgrimage and see the face of God? Seeing the face of God, that is the end of a pilgrimage, but how are we to seek the face of God? Really in the everyday. I ask myself why sometimes, why do I need to go on a long pilgrimage like this? I have the tabernacle at "home", I have Jesus in the Eucharist, what else could I need? He is our nourishment for this earthly life, this earthly pilgrimage to the true homeland.

Regardless if I am in a foreign land or here at "home", I am still and always journeying to my true home. I am homesick no matter where I am. What else do I need? How will I seek God's face? For a little while I will be seeking God while in many countries, visiting my good friends, the saints, and relying on God's Providence in a more radical way so that I may see Him more clearly. Though this time, this walk, this journey may come to an end in October(ish), this walk is only a small part of the pilgrimage, and the pilgrimage only a short time on this side of eternity.

so i go