Totally Gunna Be Crushed

Do not hide your face from me; in you I put me trust

Why does God sometimes hide his face? Why is it so hard to know who God is when at other times we seem to know him so clearly? Perhaps it is to deepen our faith, to have uncertainty, but to be certain. To be in darkness, but live in Light. To place our complete and utter trust in one who is trustworthy. I'm sure the saints know, and have said it better.

Lord, listen to my prayer:

turn your ear to my appeal.

You are faithful, you are just; give answer,

Do not call your servant to judgment

for no one is just in your sight.

I call on God's Mercy, for this little daughter of his....for my sins this is not what I deserve, but what God wants to give. And he is very generous. But still, even the best gifts are for us to be come holy, and the best ones are a purification. So I call out to Him for help so that I may live this cross well.

The enemy pursues my soul;

he has crushed my life to the ground;

he has made me dwell in darkness

like the dead, long forgotten.

Therefore me spirit fails;

my heart is numb within me.

I am crushed by many things, by darkness, does God hear? My heart is numb, i feel nothing of his presence. everything is dark, yet i seek him especially in that darkness. I become blind so that I may see with the eyes of faith. That first promise that I made to Him: to follow wherever He goes even if I feel nothing good for the rest of my life, because HE IS GOODNESS, and there is nothing else.

I remember the days that are past:

I ponder all your works.

I muse on what your hand has wrought

and to you I stretch out my hands.

Like a parched land my soul thirsts for you

With what God has done in my life, how can I even think he will not do everything for me now. Remember that first promise. That freedom I have in that. I thirst for him and him alone, nothing else. Nada, Nada, Nada.

Lord, make haste and answer;

for my spirit fails within me.

Do not hide your face

lest I become like those in the grave.

Do not hide your face, I will become lost, nothing seems to exist if I cant see you. I fail without you, don't abandon me even when i abandon you.

In the morning let me know your love

for I put my trust in you.

Make me know the way I should walk:

to you I lift up my soul.

The way I must walk is the way of the cross. Yes, suffering, and yes offering that up. Again, complete reliance on God....the way I should walk is the way of the cross, the way of love. I lift up my soul to Jesus who draws all men to himself.

Rescue me, Lord, from my enemies;

I have fled to you for refuge.

Teach me to do your will

for you, O Lord, are my God.

Let your good spirit guide me

in ways that are level and smooth.

Give me whatever you want lord, don't let me offend you. I fear, but I fear nothing for you are my God, my refuge that is there even if i cannot feel your presence. Protect me from my enemies, especially myself.

For your name sake, Lord, save my life;

in your justice save my soul from distress.

Fear. Looking past that, distress all gone, looking and searching only for God. Totally looking forward to God totally annihilating me. I want to be purified. Glory to God in everything. He must increase and I must decrease.

Glory to the Father and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning is now and will be forever.

Amen

Do not hide your face from me; in you I put my trust.